Love

is so confusing, not even those who know whats it really means to be in love, and how it feel, fully understand the complete depths of it. It's still a mystery no matter how many times it is felt or experienced.

8:312/08/08

So It's been a good week since I've blogged. Been sick and busy and just eh. The Art Basal was fun, but seeing Joey with that girl got me all jealous, so I was sort of pissy most of the day. It was rather frustrating. Buzz Bakesale was abolutely amazing. I saw Mayday Parade for a second time :), they're always so good live. I saw some other really good bands too.
Today I told Joey I hated him. I really dont know why, but I'm not sorry I said it and I'm not going to take it back, ever. I guess he deleted me off his friends list, it made me pissed but oh well. So i deleted him from my facebook. I know stupid and gay childish thing to do, but really I don't know how else to handle things. Ugh I hate still having feelings for him. I still care about him a lot, even though I really don't want to. I guess I can't really help it. It sucks too, because he doesn't care, and I do. He actully made eye contact with me today, for the first time in almost a month. Made me sort of nervous. I thinks it's weird, I still get the butterflies when I see him. Not the bad kind, the nervous "i like you" kind, which is rather pathetic. And I sortof like Robbie and he likes me too, but I really don't want to date anyone right now. I'm not sure what to do with myself right now. At least I have this so I can get my thoughts out and how I'm feeling out. Half the time how I'm feeling absolutely drives me nuts, but theres not much I can do about it because I cant just start typing on a computer when I'm at school or with friends, so I have to wait to get this stuff out. I guess it benefits me in the end because it helps teach me how to control myself, and my moods, as well as how I react towards people when I'm upset about something. Well I gotta get going. Still got things to get done. Bye!~

I wonder...

So I'm sitting here, allowing my thoughts to wander. Thinking my usual thoughts of "what if". Have you ever wondered how things would be with an alternate ending to everything? What if everything that has gone on was flipped, what would the outcome be? Would we be the same people we are now? Would we even be here? Would we have the same thoughts, the same lives, the same friends? Or would everything be completely different? Sometimes, I can't help but wonder about these things. I wonder if other people wonder about other people wondering about this too. It's a mystery, that I'm just itching to find the answer to, but unless I could find some way to an alternate universe, I'll never know.

December

Bring better tomorrows
For November has come and gone
and left me breathless and restless.