ugh still sick :[

I woke up feeling twice as bad as I did yesterday. I hate how miserable I'm feeling. I just want to feel better. I haven't been able to sleep or eat in days. I have no appetite, and unless I take NyQuil, I can't sleep. So I've been sitting here watching whatever is on TV to pass time. There's nothing better to do, at least not right now there's not. To top it off, the medicine I'm taking has horrible side effects, which I had some of them this morning :/. If I dont start feeling better by tomorrow, I have to go back to the doctor. blahh And I really doubt I'm going to school tomorrow. Ugh :/ Make me feel better already.

blahh

So I'm home sick, like I have been for the last few days. So much for my Thanksgiving break. I've been feeling like a truck hit me since Wednesday :/. I went to the doctor today, they finally gave me medicine, hopefully it works, if not, I have to go back in 3 to 4 days.

So Thomas finally told me how he's been feeling. He said he was afraid that'd I'd shoot him down. I told him I wouldn't, only because I'm not sure of how I feel about anything right now. And I sent Joey a long message. It was nice, and to the point. I hope it makes him think. Man I miss him. Mom said I should get over him, which I know I should, but all she wants is for me and Thomas to go out, and I don't want that, at least not right now. But I'm just afraid it will mess things up. I don't know. I'm not thinking straight now a days. I've been such a mess. I'm confused, hurt, and angry. I can't focus on anything other than thoughts of Joey, and memories that we have together. As sappy as it sounds, it's true. Thomas called me a hopeless romantic, because I showed him what I wrote to Joey. It's true, I am, but whatever. Not that it really matters to many people.

I'm so tired, I haven't been able to sleep lately. At least not without taking Nyquil. It's horrible, it's like my body has become dependant on it :/. It scares me. And I've been having these awful thoughts. I think things would be better off without me. I told Natalie, she called me selfish, because I'm not thinking of anyone else. She's right, I'm not thinking. At all. My mind has been filled with so many thoughts, but none of which I should really be focusing on, or really should even have in my mind. I jsut want to be back to me again, not all sad and angry all the time. Not always faking my smile, and hiding how I really feel. I hate all of this.

Finally I have time.

Happy [late] Thanksgiving! So finally I have time to blog, thank God. I think that if it weren't for days off, I would absolutely go nuts. Any who, where to start...there's so much to tell.
Well, since the last time I wrote in here, a lot has changed and a lot has gone on.
I was with Harley for about 2 months, before things started going to shit, and I broke up with him. We started fighting constantly because of stupid shit, and he was moving to Missouri so i decided it was time to go our separate ways. And not too long after, When I was hanging out with Evan, did I find someone who made me the happiest girl alive, Joey. I've known him since freshman year, but we weren't very close, just hey what's up type of things. I've always had a crush on him, but always thought, he's too good for me. Well we started talking, and we started to see each other. We spent almost everyday together for the rest of the summer :). We were together for a little over 3 months, but towards the need, I was going through a lot, and I got depressed and I had changed my attitude a little. Joey didn't like the change and broke up with me :. Right now it's been almost 3 weeks since it's happened, and God do I miss him. I keep thinking about the first time we hung out, it was really awkward. He came over, and we were watching Discovery channel because it was shark week. It took him almost all night to even hold my hand, and when he finally did, oh man I had the butterflies so bad! lol. When it was time for him to elave, I walked him out to his car, and we hugged, and we kissed, it was really awkward. But now, hes not there anymore and I'm really lost. I miss him and want him back more than i could ever tell him. I sent him a letter earlier, and I hope he considers what I put.
On top of all that, Stephs pregnant, and shes having a boy. Shes with this really obnoxious guy named Chris. But hey, I have to put up with him, hes gonna be family. And pauls with this girl Serena, who is also prenant, and they're engaged to be married. Puals going into the Navy, just like his brother John. Moms still struggling with hte financial situation, she will be until my dad finally grows balls and starts helping out. But thats never gonna happen.

Well this is just a quick little summary of whats been going on, I'll blog more about the joey thing later. Cos I have so much i need to get off my chest and its killing me holding it in so long and pretending to be happy when really I'm dying inside :/
anywho, laterr~~

now

So yesterday thomas decided to show up at my door, so I never got the chance to blog. but hopefully either tonight or tomorrow I will. Thomas leaves tonight but I got invited to go see twilight with a bunch of friends tonight soo hopefully that will be fun. idk, anywho currently in english class working on a project, woo :/

well ill finish this laterrrr

byee~

oh wow

hey :] its been a long time since i've blogged. I promise starting tomorrow,i"ll update. So much has happened, and have so many thoughts and things to say. It may take me a long time to even say it all. but no worries we have time. see you tomorrow :)