blahh

So I'm home sick, like I have been for the last few days. So much for my Thanksgiving break. I've been feeling like a truck hit me since Wednesday :/. I went to the doctor today, they finally gave me medicine, hopefully it works, if not, I have to go back in 3 to 4 days.

So Thomas finally told me how he's been feeling. He said he was afraid that'd I'd shoot him down. I told him I wouldn't, only because I'm not sure of how I feel about anything right now. And I sent Joey a long message. It was nice, and to the point. I hope it makes him think. Man I miss him. Mom said I should get over him, which I know I should, but all she wants is for me and Thomas to go out, and I don't want that, at least not right now. But I'm just afraid it will mess things up. I don't know. I'm not thinking straight now a days. I've been such a mess. I'm confused, hurt, and angry. I can't focus on anything other than thoughts of Joey, and memories that we have together. As sappy as it sounds, it's true. Thomas called me a hopeless romantic, because I showed him what I wrote to Joey. It's true, I am, but whatever. Not that it really matters to many people.

I'm so tired, I haven't been able to sleep lately. At least not without taking Nyquil. It's horrible, it's like my body has become dependant on it :/. It scares me. And I've been having these awful thoughts. I think things would be better off without me. I told Natalie, she called me selfish, because I'm not thinking of anyone else. She's right, I'm not thinking. At all. My mind has been filled with so many thoughts, but none of which I should really be focusing on, or really should even have in my mind. I jsut want to be back to me again, not all sad and angry all the time. Not always faking my smile, and hiding how I really feel. I hate all of this.