Lost and Confused

My heart and mind have been tearing me in two lately. Mostly, I think, it's my heart though. It keeps telling me different things. One day I'll care, and then the next, I feels like I hate you. Is this what it's like the be over someone you truly cared about? or is this just me not knowing whether I should give up or keep trying. Then on top of it all, in my mind, I keep telling myself, "I'm done with him, I can't take the crying all the time, an the hurt or confusion" but I keep going back to the "I still care" thing. It's all so frustrating and I can't figure out what to do any more.
My minds been so lost and confused, that I've been doing things that I don't ever do, and that are against my morals. I've only been doing it because it helps me relax and forget and just not care. This all is so hard on me. You'd think I'd be over him, and I really thought I was, but part of mes not. Part of me still wants to beg for his forgiveness and talk with him like we used to. Its really hard to keep remembering everything we did together. God, I want to just let go, but I can't seem to. Maybe my heart doesn't want to let go, because I'm so afraid of being alone. At this point, anythings possible, because I really don't know anymore.